When do you hit your flow? What makes you feel radiant? Eight years ago, when I brought home my first puppy, I’m sure I would have said I felt the most radiant when training my dog. I felt like I was good at it, I loved the way he looked at me while we worked, I didn’t need to make conversation with him. He felt like the missing piece. He could make me smile like no other. I felt happy, and like joy shined through my pores.
I had no idea that those feelings would be eclipsed 7 years later by my son. This picture is hanging in my bedroom. I get the warm-fuzzies every time I walk past it, remembering just how beautiful and happy I felt, despite the fact that my hair hadn’t been washed in days and I was bleeding and leaking all over. I had this perfect little person, and we both made it through childbirth safely. Months later, he can still make me feel just radiant, as he looks at me adoringly and smiles at the sight of me.
I hope as he grows, I can remember to let my joy shine through for him. I hope that on my worst days of motherhood (because he won’t be this cute and fun forever), he still knows that he is this loved, he brings this much joy. There are a lot of things that scare me about watching him grow up. The opioid epidemic is raging, social media is contributing to all sorts of mental health issues for teenagers, our world is becoming ever more digitally connected at the same time that real human connections are becoming harder and harder to come by. I don’t know how to protect him from all of these things, but I do feel confident that attachment, connection, and letting him know he always has a safe place to come home to will help. I’m hoping the joy he brings me will be contagious, and he’ll live most of his life with a big smile on his face.
For the first time in my life, I feel radiant. I feel like I’m doing what I’m meant to do. What makes you feel that way?